how-to
How to Start Writing an Ethical Will: A Step-by-Step Guide
Table of Contents
- What Is an Ethical Will and Why It Matters
- How an Ethical Will Differs From a Legal Will
- Before You Begin: What You'll Need to Gather
- Step-by-Step: How to Start Writing Your Ethical Will
- Ethical Will Writing Prompts to Guide Your Reflection
- Using an Ethical Will Template and Examples
- Ethical Will Examples: What a Finished Document Looks Like
- How Long Should an Ethical Will Be?
- Frequently Asked Questions
Last Updated: October 18, 2026
What Is an Ethical Will and Why It Matters
An ethical will is a personal document where you share your values, life lessons, stories, and blessings with loved ones.
Think of it as a letter to your family's future: your wisdom, the experiences that shaped you, and your hopes for your children and grandchildren.
Many people discover they need this after losing someone close. You inherit the house and the bank account, but not their story or their advice for hard moments ahead.
The good news: you can start now. Whether you're 65 or 85, learning how to start writing an ethical will takes weeks, not months.
How an Ethical Will Differs From a Legal Will
Your legal will handles the practical side of your estate. It says who gets the house. It names an executor. It lists bank accounts and life insurance policies.
Your ethical will handles the emotional and spiritual side: your values, family stories, advice, and blessings. No lawyer or court is involved. It's purely personal.
Here's the key difference: a legal will answers "what" and "who gets it." An ethical will answers "why" and "what do I want you to know."
Both matter.
| Document Type | Purpose | Legal Requirement | Who Creates It |
|---|---|---|---|
| Legal Will | Distribute property and assets | Yes | Lawyer or self-created with legal review |
| Ethical Will | Share values, stories, and wisdom | No | You, at your own pace |
Before You Begin: What You'll Need to Gather
Gather these materials:
- A notebook or computer where you feel comfortable writing
- Photographs that bring back memories
- Documents or letters from people you love
- Your calendar or timeline of major life events
- A quiet space where you won't be interrupted
Think about these questions before you write:
- Who do you want to read this? Your children? Grandchildren? Your entire family?
- Do you want to share this while you're alive, or only after?
- How personal do you want to get? Some people share everything. Others keep certain topics private.
- What format feels right? A letter? A recorded video? A written essay?
Start simple, you don't need fancy software, just honesty and time. Many people worry they'll forget important stories; writing prompts help jog your memory, and we'll cover those later.
Step-by-Step: How to Start Writing Your Ethical Will
Writing an ethical will isn't complicated, but it takes intention. Follow these steps in order, spending as much or as little time on each as you like, some people finish in three weeks, others in three months.
Step 1: Choose Your Format and Approach
Decide how you want to express yourself. Your format shapes everything that comes next.
Common formats:
- Letter format. Write directly to your family as if speaking to them. Personal and conversational, this is easiest for most people.
- Essay format. Organize your thoughts by topic, your values in one section, your stories in another, advice in a third. This works well if you like structure.
- Video or audio recording. Speak your words aloud and record them. Your family hears your voice. This adds emotional weight.
- Combination approach. Write some sections and record others. Mix formats to match what feels right for each topic.
Format also depends on timing: a letter may feel more personal if shared while alive, while a recorded message can be powerful after you're gone. Choose what feels natural, you can always adjust as you write.
Step 2: Start With Your Introduction
Open by explaining who you are and why you're writing this. Answer three things: Who are you? What is this document? Why does it matter?
Your introduction might sound like this: "My name is [Your Name]. I'm writing this for [who you're addressing]. I want you to know who I am beyond what you might already know.
Your introduction sets the tone and prepares your family emotionally for what comes next. Keep it to two or three paragraphs, just say hello and explain why you're here.
Step 3: Share Your Core Values and Beliefs
Now get specific. What do you believe matters most? What principles have guided your decisions?
Your values might include honesty, family loyalty, hard work, faith, generosity, or creativity. Pick three to five that feel most important. For each one, write a sentence or two about why it matters to you.
Example: "I believe honesty matters more than comfort. I've seen people avoid hard conversations to keep the peace. But the peace never lasts.
This isn't abstract philosophy, it's what you actually believe and why. Your family will remember it when making their own decisions.
Don't worry about writing perfectly, write honestly.
Step 4: Document Life Lessons and Personal Wisdom
Think about the hard times you've faced. The mistakes you made. The things you learned the difficult way. This is where you share that wisdom.
Consider these prompts:
- What's a mistake you made that taught you something important?
- What's advice you wish someone had given you when you were younger?
- What have you learned about relationships, work, or life that you want your family to know?
- What's something you're proud of? What made you proud?
Write these as short stories or lessons, not lectures: what happened, what you learned, and why it matters.
Example: "I spent years trying to impress people who didn't matter. I worked long hours at a job I didn't love because I thought success meant money and status. When I was 45, I realized I'd missed my children's childhood.
These lessons become family wisdom. Your grandchildren will face similar choices, and your words might guide them.
Step 5: Include Family Stories and Memories
Stories keep families connected across generations. Share the memories that matter, the funny, the hard, and the ones that show who you are.
What stories to include:
- How you met your spouse or partner
- The birth or adoption of your children
- A family tradition and why it started
- A time you overcame something difficult
- A moment you felt truly proud
- A funny family memory everyone still talks about
- Someone who influenced you and how
Tell these stories in detail, names, dates, what people said, so your family can remember them exactly as you tell them. Stories do what facts can't: they make you real, make your values concrete, and show rather than tell who you are.
Step 6: Write Your Conclusion and Final Blessings
End with your hopes and blessings for your family, say what you want for their futures.
Your conclusion might include:
- Hopes for their happiness and success
- Encouragement for the challenges ahead
- Forgiveness for anything unresolved
- Gratitude for who they are
- A final message of love
Example: "I hope you'll be kind to each other. I hope you'll take care of each other when I'm gone. I hope you'll remember that family is everything. I'm proud of who you are. I love you more than words can say. Live well. Be happy. Take care of each other."
Keep this section brief but heartfelt, it's what your family will remember most.
Ethical Will Writing Prompts to Guide Your Reflection
If you're stuck, use these prompts one at a time. Write whatever comes to mind and don't edit yourself.
About your values:
- What does a good life look like to you?
- What would you do if you weren't afraid?
- What matters more than money?
- What do you want to be remembered for?
About your life:
- What's the best decision you ever made?
- What's something you'd do differently?
- Who has influenced you most?
- What are you most grateful for?
About your family:
- What do you want your children to know about their grandparents?
- What family traditions should continue?
- What do you hope for your grandchildren?
- How do you want to be remembered?
About the future:
- What advice would you give someone facing what you've faced?
- What would you tell your younger self?
- What do you want forgiven?
- What are you most proud of?
Spend 10-15 minutes on each prompt, writing without stopping and without worrying about grammar, just write what comes.
Using an Ethical Will Template and Examples
A template gives you structure: what sections to include and how to organize them. It removes the blank-page problem.
My Living Legacy Course provides guided templates and over 420 reflective prompts across seven modules. These templates walk you through each section step by step.
A good template includes:
- An introduction section with example language
- Sections for your values, stories, and wisdom
- Writing prompts for each section
- Guidance on tone and depth
- Space for reflection and editing
Templates are especially helpful if you're not sure where to start: they give you a roadmap, and you fill in your own content.
Ethical Will Examples: What a Finished Document Looks Like
Seeing a real example helps. Here's what a short ethical will might look like:
A Sample Ethical Will
Dear Sarah and Michael,
I believe honesty and kindness are everything. I've tried to live by these values.
The best decision I ever made was marrying your mother. The second best was becoming your parent.
I want you to know that failure isn't the end. I failed at my first business.
I hope you'll stay close to each other. Family is everything.
I'm proud of who you are. I love you. Live well.
Dad
This example is short, about 300 words. Some ethical wills are longer. Some are shorter.
Notice what it includes:
- A clear opening explaining the purpose
- Specific values and why they matter
- A personal story and lesson
- Hopes for the family
- A heartfelt closing
This structure works. You can follow it exactly, or adapt it to fit your own style.
How Long Should an Ethical Will Be?
There's no perfect length. Some people write 500 words. Others write 5,000. The right length is whatever captures what you want to say.
Consider these guidelines:
- Short : A letter format. Good for people who want something concise. Covers your main values and a few key stories.
- Medium (800-2,000 words): An essay format. Includes more stories. Covers more ground. Most people find this length feels complete.
- Long (2,000+ words): A detailed life story. Includes many stories, lessons, and advice. Good if you have a lot you want to share.
The length depends on your purpose. If you're sharing it while you're alive, shorter might feel better.
Don't aim for a specific word count. Write until you've said what matters. Then stop.
Many people worry they'll run out of things to say. In reality, the opposite happens. You start writing and memories flow.
My Living Legacy Course solves this by giving you a structured, guided process.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between an ethical will and a legal will?
A legal will distributes your property and assets according to law and your instructions. An ethical will is a personal document that shares your values, beliefs, life lessons, and stories with your loved ones. You can have both: your legal will handles the practical matters, while your ethical will provides the emotional and spiritual guidance your family needs to understand who you were and what mattered most to you.
What should I include in an ethical will?
Include your core values and beliefs, life lessons learned through experience, family stories and memories, advice for handling hardship, gratitude and blessings for loved ones, and your hopes for future generations. You can also document meaningful objects and their significance, recipes or traditions, and forgiveness or reconciliation messages. The goal is to help your family understand your worldview and preserve your personal legacy.
How long should an ethical will be?
There is no set length. Some ethical wills are a few pages; others span 20-30 pages or more. What matters is depth and meaning, not word count. Focus on quality over quantity. Many people find that 5-15 pages captures their most important values, stories, and wisdom without overwhelming their readers. Start with what feels natural, then review and refine.
Can I use writing prompts to help me get started?
Yes. Ethical will writing prompts are excellent tools to guide your reflection and help you organize your thoughts. Prompts like 'What experiences shaped who I am?' or 'What do I want my grandchildren to know about my childhood?' help you move past writer's block and explore meaningful territory. Many people find that structured prompts make the process feel less overwhelming and more focused on what truly matters.
